Top reasons overcoming networking is terrifying

I signed up for a conference several months ago, hoping to make some connections with other people who cared about reaching young professionals. But I left the conference frustrated, as everyone else was there in a group or with their friends, had no desire to network, and no one I met was not interested in my field at all. I had gone there to network, prayed specifically to get contacts, and still left with nothing.

Imagine my surprise then, when on a whim I signed up for a writing conference last weekend called Tribe Conference, and a main focus of the talks was networking! The speakers made it so easy practically and created an atmosphere where the expectation was to meet people you didn’t know. It got me thinking that this was a topic we used to discuss in my bible study group for young professionals, but I had never actually learned it well- why networking is so terrifying and how to overcome it.

1. Fear of the Other. It doesn’t occur to me most of the time that while I’m nervous about talking to this person, they are likely nervous as well. Obviously, there are some “people people” (or some other more literal term) out there who just love to talk and gab, but especially when it matters, a little insecurity creeps in for most of us.

And how do you conquer this fear? One of the ladies I met at the conference pointed out that addressing it takes you a long way. Before going into the room, I literally tell myself, “I am going to go talk to this group of people and it is going to go well. We are going to enjoy each other’s company even if we’re nervous. It’s going to be fine.” And it will be. Sometimes awkward helps you laugh and connect even better- don’t worry about it so much.

2. How do you sell yourself? I get in trouble all the time for not conveying well who I actually am and what’s important to me. One conference attender found me on the last morning and blurted out, “You’re a doctor?!” Oh, sorry, I may have forgotten to mention that! It doesn’t always occur to me that this is a striking and memorable piece of information for people- it’s just regular life to me now. But I love the concept that what’s regular and common to you is new information to others. How can you learn from each other if you don’t tell them the truth?

• To be perfectly honest, this just takes practice. I specifically practiced describing my book and blog to people, but I rarely practice telling them what’s vital about myself. On some level, it sounds egotistical. But honestly, you are not sharing to impress people, you are sharing to let them in. How else can you connect with them?

3. It’s hard to be yourself. Marsha Shandor did a great example talking about our “dork goblins,” or basically, how we all revert to not acting like our normal selves when we are nervous. I tend to revert to becoming a painting- smiling awkwardly, but not saying a word! I have a friend who actually starts crying- meeting new people can be stressful and we are not always ourselves! But that doesn’t mean we’ve totally blown it.

• Marsha recommends simply acknowledging this happens is the main goal to making sure it doesn’t. And secondly, concentrate on the positives. You are great. This person doesn’t have to become your best friend this afternoon, you are just trying to find and discuss one secret (or not so secret) interest that you have in common. Sharing a bit of your awesome and putting a smile on their face for five minutes is not bad.

4. You need a little humility. People trying to learn about networking are not as bad at this as people who already think they’ve mastered it (imagine that). But we need a little humility to remember that introductions are not a one person show. Yes, you have a lot of things you can share with this person, but they don’t need to know literally everything about you in this moment. Learn from that person as well!

• First impressions are hard. We have to be careful to be aware and interested in the other person and realize they bring something to the table that we do not. Ask lots of questions and leave time to listen well.

5. We need networking. Work is driven by relationship, not by physical success. We all like to pretend it comes down to excellent creation, but we all also know estranged people in our workplaces who avoid everyone and make us uncomfortable. As perfect as their work may be, they are limited in how they can increase their successes because of their timidity. Every business, even those you pursue by yourself, needs others to make it possible.

• Succeeding here comes down to thought patterns again. Wind it down in your mind- you will not die if you do not successfully connect with this person- this is not your last shot! But we do need to give networking its proper place in our careers. If we treated networking as vital as buying that new software and taking that class is to our goals, we would make it a regular priority in our lives. And the more we practice it, the less intimidating it becomes.

So what about you? What problems do you run into with networking? How are you able to overcome them?