I Have a Dream

“Every thing Martin Luther King Jr wanted has completely come true. Black people can do whatever they want. That’s exactly what we’re living out today.” The blond finished her concluding statements confidently, and as I looked, flabbergasted, in her direction, I realized everyone in class around her was nodding along. I didn’t nod and neither did my teacher. But both of us were the only black people in a sea of white faces.

I sighed internally. I looked back at the speech and prayed for a sound example that wouldn’t sound as frustrated, shaky, and scared as I actually felt.

“I think it we look closely at his speech, we’ll see some things that we aren’t actually living out right now. For instance, if you go walk through the campus lunch room, what you will see every time is tables of segregation- there will be a table of Asian engineers, then a table of Black athletes, then a table of white sorority sisters, and so on. We have the freedom to be together, but we aren’t. This speech says the dream is for families of former slave owners and former slaves to sit together- we don’t even do that in our own lunch room! He has a dream of different religions, and different nationalities, and people with nothing in common not only holding hands but also fighting for the same issues together as one. He’s not just talking about voting rights. Things are definitely different than they were, but we are still living completely separate lives, rarely interacting with someone who is different than us at all!”

I don’t actually remember what they said in response, or what else happened. But it was the first time in my life I had to fight against something I hadn’t honestly experienced. People don’t usually look at me and assume I’m black. I’ve spent more of my life defending my color than getting attacked for it. But the one thing I know for sure, is that situation in college reminded me that we are so far from being done fighting racism.

Things are better, but not complete. And far too often, what we miss about everything MLK Jr used to say, was that he wasn’t fighting for separate but equal, he was actually fighting for one voice. One group. One people. Not that we didn’t see each others differences, but that we knew them and loved each other anyway.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” You can’t do it if you don’t even know your neighbor. You can’t do it if everyone you know looks, talks, believes, and fights the same way you do. You can’t do it alone.

So my suggestions below may be too punchy to go over well, but let’s try to talk them out a bit anyway, at least from my perspective. I’m going to divide these suggestions out by race, mostly because we all need to work on different things and I pray I’ve got a diverse enough group of friends that this will not be too offensive like this.

For my Asian friends, I am sorry we did not support you better at the start of Covid with all of the junk about the “Chinese virus.” We should’ve and we could’ve done better. For my Latino friends, I agree things need to change in our immigration laws, border patrol plans, and understanding of language and deportation here. But the only way we’re going to change the way that this country thinks about people’s inherent worth is to do it together. This is not the time to fight for one single, particular (but clearly relevant) issue, this is the time to fight for people’s hearts to change. And that conversation needs to include you.

For all minorities/mixed friends in general, we honestly need to step up a bit. We need to work harder to unite people who don’t know what to do with us to begin with. And we need to stop pretending that we are exempt. We tend to think we have done well for ourselves, we got all the degrees, we blend in, or ” we are “not like them” and are not likely to be targeted as the aim for racist treatment. We can act like “if we just behave” things are going to go well for us. I have fallen victim to this mentality as well, thinking that changing my behavior will change someone else’s perceptions of me. Story after story since and before George Floyd has come out about people being discriminated against, whether they were or were not “doing the right thing.” All minorities need to stop taking ourselves out of this battle against racism and do our part to remind everyone that all men are created equal, and that is a God-given blessing, not a title to be earned based on ourselves.

For my white friends, please start with listening. I know you have had your own struggles, I know you probably do not have personal examples of being discriminated against, and I know if you do care you just plain don’t know what to do. Please, start with listening. Stop writing your token black friend off as “the one person that’s different” and listen! Ask anyone who doesn’t live in your neighborhood, talk like you, or even live in this country. Ask a friend to share their vision for this next year and some of their negative stories as well. Check out some books or articles written by someone that comes from a different world than you live in. You will never be able to fully understand racism by studying it, so please realize that is not the goal. You don’t have to know every history lesson, or say everything perfectly in order to go forward. Willingness is way more powerful and encouraging right now than perfection. Next, start talking. Who is around you that needs to talk this through? Who is in your family that needs to take a hard look at the way they’re thinking about life? Are they likely to change decades of racist thoughts in an afternoon conversation? Honestly, no. But you’re not trying to win someone over with your powers of persuasion, you are trying to open up an opportunity for God to go in and change someone’s heart. And last, you need to stop pretending like you don’t see race. I am different than you, and that’s not a bad thing, but failing to recognize that doesn’t make racism better, it just means you’re insulting all the things that make me uniquely me. You will love me better if you acknowledge, rather than ignore our differences.

For my black friends, you are going to have to get your anger and your unfair profiling in check as well. You cannot simultaneously scream “Get out” and run away angrily from all non-black Americans but also expect them to fight the battle with you. Believe me, I understand this year has been overwhelmingly terrifying. But the problem with blocking and ignoring and running away from the people who do not look like you is they now have no opportunity to ever hear your heart and change their perceptions. How can they possibly know what you experience unless you tell them? We need to stop pushing away people who are asking questions and give them some real answers. We need to stop posting “just go read this book and leave me alone” and instead take an honest, even if awkward step forward as as win! We need to give people the benefit of the doubt- treat people like the significant other we’re giving a second chance to, instead of assuming the worst. They are going to get it wrong, and possibly insult us in the process. Ain’t nobody cared whether or not it was called a “master” bedroom! But instead of taking that misstep to make fun of people, let’s take it as a step that we can build on. More than that, we need to fall out of agreement with assuming the way “we know they all think no matter what” and pray for a heart change that only God can do. The problem with many negative experiences is it makes us assume no white person can ever change, and we need to recognize that for the lie that it is. We need to start fighting for reconciliation more than we are fighting for being right. We need people who do not look like us on our side and the only way to do that is to step into the pain, into an awkward situation, into possibly being rejected and ask God to move in a conversation to supernaturally change a heart that only He can change.

For everyone- In college when I was meeting my lab partner I saw her walking up to me in a hijab. I remember thinking, “She is going to have a really hard name I can’t say, and she’s not going to speak English well, and this is going to be a really hard year.” She walked up to me and said, “Hey, I’m Aimee, how’s it goin?” And I remember feeling so awful. But guys, one of the main problems with the conversation about race is that WE ALL have to start with assuming we are racist. Every single one of us. We all make assumptions about other people based solely on the way that we look and interpret culture! If we cannot admit that we have problems personally, how are we going to see the problems culturally, corporately, and systemically unless we all admit that we all do it every single day? We are all sinners in need of a savior! But it helps me so much to remember that that savior is not me. I need God to change what I sometimes can’t even see about myself. And I need the people around me to show up and remind me every single day that they are better than I thought they were. But I’m only going to see that if I let them in and give them the opportunity to show me that. We have to learn how to trust one another better than we’re doing in order to move forward at all.

The most powerful influence we will have this year in talking about race is not going to be in tearing down a statue, screaming obscenities over social media, or pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s not going to be going after whether or not a title is capitalized, changing the name of a brand, or further isolating ourselves from people who do not hold the same views as us. This is not about changing products, this is about changing hearts. We have to remember our most powerful influence starts with us, and then with those around us. Can you take a moment this week to start with better loving and talking with someone right there in front of you?

“For the entire law us fulfilled in keeping this one command: Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14-15