Boldness where it counts

I slammed my fist onto the desk in anger and I responded, exasperated- “I can give you five diagnoses right now but none of that is going to fix your problems. Do you want to be diagnosed with something else or do you want a solution?!” I realized I had just basically yelled at a patient, and sat back to calm my nerves while I let the words sink in. I was angry at the devil for what he had done to this young man and I couldn’t seem to hold my tongue anymore. For almost 45 minutes we had been talking- really, he had been rambling- and we really weren’t getting anywhere closer to helping him. I knew I had other patients waiting, but couldn’t move on yet.

I knew this man was a Christian and had had multiple prophecies about what God was going to use him for but he was just drowning in life. I knew he could probably use some medications given his long history of multiple suicide attempts, drug use, several long hospitalizations for unusual medical complications, and depression, but couldn’t stay there talking about that, because what I needed him to understand most was that the devil was after his life, and instead of running to more medicines he needed to run to God.

He had been talking the entire time but after my mini-explosion he sat quietly for the first time the entire visit, waiting to hear what I would say next. Tears filled my eyes as I started to remember my own medical journey of craziness, and I got on my knees to demonstrate, “I’ve been where you are, stuck in a circle of more medications and more problems, searching for some magical diagnosis that will fix it all and waiting for God to intervene. But you have to come to a place where you get up off the floor and say ‘No, I refuse to live life beaten up anymore! I choose to stand on the promises and blessings and life that God has given me and not the mess that was!‘ Are you ready to start fighting the right battle for your life?” He nodded intently, with tears and some fear in his eyes, and after we prayed, I found another person in the church to pray for him and teach him how to fight lies of the devil with God’s word.

I promise I don’t usually yell at my patients. But sometimes the medical complaints overlap so much with the spiritual complaints it’s hard to not get confused and upset for how complicated it really is in a person’s life. On medical missions trips, I have no problem laying down the truth of what I see and what I feel like is most pressing at the moment. However, often in clinics in the US, I will hesitate. Scared at what the response might be. Scared I might be picking the wrong battle. Scared they might be angry at my audacity and honesty with them that they need a life change more than they need another medication. But when I’m willing to stand boldly, I’ve learned that what I know about God and what I know about medicine can go hand in hand and help people in bigger ways than just the medical expertise can.

“If you believe everybody is going to criticize you, you’ll behave cautiously. If you believe you’re probably going to fail, you’re going to venture out tentatively. If, however, you believe that the one true Lord God is calling you, empowering you, leading you, and equipping you, then you will live boldly. Why? Because boldness in behavior born of belief.” Craig Groeschel. It’s easy to say, but it takes a whole additional layer of faith to actually do. How are you doing stepping out in boldness at your workplace?

Almost a year later, I stood near the entrance to the church. Church was over, but everyone stood chatting and catching up with each other, no one really wanting to leave. I was pretty tired, but anytime there was a possibility of ice-cream I just couldn’t say no! I went to walk around a group of local Colombian men chatting and laughing happily but caught eyes with one- the same man I had yelled at the summer before- in his eyes you could see life, freedom, and peace. We exchanged awkward Spanglish banter – agreeing that we were both doing well and God was good. I looked back for one more farewell glance before heading out with the team- thank the Lord that God used my anger at the devil that day to make a man stop running, trust God, and change his life.